I had little opportunity to sit with Zepa, the woman I met in Kosova ( see her story below) and find out more about what made it possible for her to move from grief to action in only three years. Language, distance and time stood in our way. When I returned to the U.S I searched for women who had endured suffering. I was curious about how they described their life situations, the resources that came to them from their family circumstances, and how they understood the dilemmas they faced. Coincidentally, other women who had faced tragedy, whom I hadn't known before, showed up in my life.
I listened closely and recorded the women's stories, hoping to learn how not to freeze in fear the next time I was dealt an overwhelming blow by fate. But, I discovered that in order to learn from other's stories I had to re-examine my basic assumptions about life; to challenge what I had always believed to be true. Only then was I able to see how their stories provided a guide to new stories that I could use.
In comparing the women, I discovered that the element of time -- past, present, and future -- was important to my understanding of where they found resources that they relied upon when most distressed. Margaret Mead's Culture and Commitment[i] influenced my thinking about how cultures relate to the past, present and future. Mead explained a generation gap that developed because young and old no longer shared the same sense of where to look for knowledge. She described three cultural groups; cultures that rely on past knowledge, cultures that rely on the experience of their peers, and cultures that look to the future. Inspired by Mead, I have identified the women in this book as Keepers, Seekers, and Teachers, depending on their view of time.
Keepers reach back into their family history when they need to reset their course. History and traditions guide them as they provide a nurturing presence for three or more family generations. These women place themselves at the center of family life. Through their stories, and memories, they deepen and maintain family connections so that they can be relied upon. They see it as their responsibility to retell family stories and to report on the present day life of family members, even about those from whom they are estranged.
Seekers are women who have known significant disruptions and displacements in their lives, and live in a world of frequent change. They moved away from their families of origin early in their lives, feeling confined by family expectations. They focus on the present, and tend to search across age group and cultural communities to find knowledge that helps them to develop alternatives and to strengthen their sense of independence. They rely on their self-confidence and flexible communities of friends when most distressed.
Teachers are women who since childhood have believed that their lives are connected to the lives of other people in the world who are suffering from loss, or living under oppression. Although these women have suffered pain in their lives, they move through their personal struggles by choosing actions that help others. They live by clearly articulated principles of social action and political justice. They are not deterred by personal or political obstacles from working in difficult situations. They call out to others to join them in their work.
I will post here the stories of Keepers, Seekers, and Teachers. I hope you will comment on these stories and send me more stories to post. Discover if you are a Keeper, Seeker or Teach.
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