Keepers' Stories Continued

Janie #3

Grandmothers provide what others leave out

Dear Readers,

Before I go on with Janie’s story I want those of you reading this blog to think with me. Who in your life is a Keeper? What experiences have you had when traditions and knowledge of history sustained you. Over two hundred fifty people have read the blog. They are waiting to hear from you. Please write a comment by clicking on the word “comment” at the bottom of this post or send a story to me at: Ellen@Berkeleyfamilytherapy.com
and I will post it.

Now back to Janie:

Janie said:

“Growing up I counted on my two grandmothers, Aunty, my step-grandmother, and Meme, my mother’s mother along with Sadie. Aunty taught me about service, and Meme brought color into my life. On my seventh birthday, she bought me an orange dress thinking that it was about time that I wore more than only blue and white. Meme always had time for me. She was the one who really took care of me. When I was born she told my mother that she was so lucky to have daughters because, ‘They will sustain you’. My mother wasn’t so sure.

While Meme was bringing color in Janie’s life, Aunty, Janie’s step-grandmother, took Janie off to church to care for the altar and other responsibilities at church. Aunty was known in her community for doing service, and she frequently took Janie on her rounds. It is easy to imagine Janie as a tiny girl dressed in blue and white carefully placing the holy water on the altar.

As a Keeper, Janie holds her grandmothers close by telling their stories. She was especially close to Meme, and she told me her history as if it had just happened. In these stories, Janie keeps Meme alive so that when she needs courage, she vividly remembers her. Here is only a small part of the long story that Janie told me about Meme:

“Meme was born in Knoxville Tennessee. Her father was a doctor, a Dr. John Hudgings, and he married Miss Harriet Clark, Meme’s mother, who we always called Miss Harriet. Dr. Hudgings left, probably with another woman, though no one spoke about what really happened. We just knew that Meme’s father ran off from her mother, and Miss Harriet had to bring up Meme and her other children alone. Now Miss Harriet was a Clark and that gets us back to the Clarks of the original colonies who went from Massachusetts to Rhode Island, back to Massachusetts and then ended up in Georgia, which is where the southern influence came in. Meme’s sister Elizabeth took this very seriously and she became a member of both the Daughters of the American Republic and the United Daughters of the Confederacy. You know my sister and I could have become members of those groups too, but Meme never went that way and of course neither did we.

“Meme wanted to be independent from all that. “Meme’s husband died young and left her to raise her children on her own. After he died, she mostly stayed alone. She focused her attention on us children and on taking care of her son Bill who like his father had that personality of being on top of the world and then being low down in the depths.

“Because of the drinking in our house, there were offs and ons with Meme. Sometimes she
came and stayed with us because of financial necessity for a couple of months, then things would get bad in our house, and she moved on. Meme knew what was going on at our house, but she never spoke of it directly. She was one of the people in my life who was constant. I think of her now when I need to calm myself.

“I heard Meme’s voice when I was learning to think for myself, and to take care of my children when I had to make it on my own. I got many things from Meme, not the least of which is my sense of humor. Standing by the coffin of her son Bill who had caused the family a lot of trouble before he died young, Meme said to my husband Bob who wasn’t much better: ‘At least you’ll never have to lend him another suit.’ Uncle Bill was often in need of sprucing up for the weddings and the funerals.

“I admired Meme. She was my soul mate. I now try to do for my grandchildren what she did for me. She is always right here by me”