Feminist Granny -Renewal

Feminist Granny

Ellen's voice:

The Teachers I have been writing about on this blog have led me to think about what in my life fills me with a positive sense of future. Here's what is at the top of this list. When my first grandchild was born and my daughter Sarah had to return to work when Cole was three months old, my husband Patrick and I decided to take on two days a week of childcare. We live nearby and we have flexible work schedules. My daughter’s husband Todd who works full-time would take the baby one day a week. He would pick up his fifth day of work on the weekend. Sarah would work three days a week and then take major responsibility for the baby on three days. The seventh day we would all pitch in depending on what was happening.

As we began to develop our childcare system I was thrown back to the days when my own children were young. My parents made it clear to me that they thought I should stay at home when my children were young. They lived far away from us and although they enjoyed the children they placed a priority on the freedom they had during those years. For my first child I stayed at home for nine months and then shared childcare with another young mother in order to to go back to school. When my second child was born and we returned from Lagos, Nigeria where I had worked full-time and could afford childcare I had no idea what I would do, but this was in 1974 and the women’s movement was alive and well. With eight other women I founded the Stockton Women’s Center which began with a childcare center. I felt supported by the community of families which held a feminist vision that included shared responsibilities in our households, cooperatives for food and childcare and a larger sense that work and home life were equally important. As some of us from the Women’s Center moved out into the wider community to find employment we were able to find shared jobs or jobs with flexible schedules. Our partners did the same. We didn’t have a great deal of money, but we felt rich in support and encouragement to develop what we believed were feminist households that supported women and men in fair and equitable partnerships and supported the nonsexist development of children as well.

But things have changed. We read a lot these days about the work-life divide and how feminism is dead. At the same time media stories are appearing about grandmothers who join with their adult children to develop more flexible childcare systems. The reasons given so far are that these grandmothers have more money and more time so this is what they are choosing to do. I have another idea about some of these grandmothers. Like me they were active feminists in the 60' and 70's and now are bringing what was then called visionary feminism to the families of their adult children. Here’s my definition of a feminist granny. Let me know if you are one or know about one.

A feminist grandmother is:

A woman who chooses to be a caregiver for her grandchildren as a way of increasing her children's options for a more balanced work and home life.

This is in comparison with grandmothers who make this choice for only economic reasons or their own desire to have a relationship with their grandchildren.

A woman who believes that her job as caregiver is not to give advice, but to support the knowledge of her children who she believes know best about their own children.

This is a shift form the belief that the elder generation holds more knowledge then the young. The idea here instead is that elders know about how to encourage the young to be themselves and to know what they know.

A woman who feels comfortable in roles and responsibilities that are negotiated in conversations with her children that lead to clear and workable agreements.

This puts the emphasis on an evolving relationship which is expected to change over time and takes into account the needs, wishes and knowledge of all three generations.

Let me know if these ideas resonate with you.