Deep Listening

From Ellen,

I've been going to readings for my book. At these events, I have the good fortune to hear the stories of how readers move through Hard Times. I also hear their questions. One question that keeps coming up is what do I mean when I talk about the notion of deep listening to the stories of others. For me this occurs when we listen to someone else' story and express the compassion that we feel. This experience not only touches the story teller, but it allows us to feel a connection to another person. In these moments we learn about life experiences that we would have no other way of knowing about. Lastly, deep listening gives us the chance to reflect on the parts of someone else's story that evoke memories and associations that we can then weave together to strengthen our own stories.

Someone else last night spoke about despair and how it pulls her down. Others in the group spoke about how in moments of despair they try to find connection to others who suffer so that their pain is not the only pain. This reminded me of the story of of Kaethe, a Teacher in the book who in a moment of despair decided to dedicate her radiation treatments to the people in South Africa who she knew who worked with AIDS patients. Her capacity to reach beyond her own suffering and give meaning to her treatment took her beyond herself and connected her back into the flow of life.

Last night a young therapist spoke about how hard it is for her to continue to listen to the story of a man whose wife is dying. She found herself wanting to help him look beyond his wife's death. He resisted her attempts to move him away from the story and finally she allowed herself to listen. After the sessioins she felt teribly sad and only after speaking to us of her experience did she feel some relief. What this tells me is that deep lilsteners also need to be heard in order to keep on listening.