Every day I receive emails and letters from people reading "Blowing on Embers". I heard from Mobalaji Adenubi from Lagos Nigeria and from Florence Ten Fingers (see Florence's story earlier on the blog) one of the Keepers in the book;
Florence wrote:
"I received the book and I sat down and read it through. My children took turns reading it and one son read it twice. They realized what us women (here on the Reservation) went through ---life with many hardships.
I've heard it said that a family that prays together stays together. For me it was me and the children who prayed together every day to get through.
"We've been having cold spells here with snow flurries, but it isn't as cold as it will be. For now, the snow melts as soon as it hits the ground. This year the Elderly Program didn't get any turkey for us so we had to buy some, but it turned out okay. The program receives money from the Casino every three months so it helps.
"I'll end now. Thank you for wrting the stories. May Watantanka bless you. Your friend(Muska)), Florence.
From Martha:
I read about Ellen in your book recognizing that protective bubble and Reflections on Teachers. It seems to me that all your sorrow and all your pain has pushed you to where you truly belong. I very much look forward to reading your whole book. Several years ago I had a weekly storytelling workshop with seniors. I'd never really worked with personal stories before and for several weeks I listened as they told their 'nice' stories. Finally, one week I dove in and told a difficult personal story about being disowned by my grandmother and suddenly the stories came pouring our about loss, separation, disillusionment. At the end of the session, Sam, an 84 year old, said, "You know, Martha, for weeks we've been telling the nice little stories, but today we told the hard ones, and it brought us all together." And it really did. We so need to listen deeply to one another's stories in this broken world of ours.
From Barbara:
Monday I met with a group of friends who have been meeting monthly for at least ten years. When someone was talking about the seeming end of a 40 year friendship with a girlfriend, I told them about meeting with you and your ideas about stories people have or don't have. It seemed to me then that the idea of stories we have about anything, in this case friendship, loyalty and what that friendship can expand to include has everything to do with the stories people are telling themselves and perhaps less to do with what someone has said or done.
From Gloria:
Based on hearing you speak before, I knew your talk for AFTNC would be very meaningful to me. Frankly, I was not prepared for it to be quite so powerful! I was particularly struck by your statement about surviving the crisis, but what sense did you make of it? I have had three major periods of crisis in my life to date- 3 major periods of illness and pain which seemed to combine with many losses, the first period of illness came together with my sister's suicide, my father's diagnosis of terminal cancer- and his death, my mother being in the hospital and in a serious auto accident, my husband's sister dying and 3 weeks later, his father. Then this was followed by two bouts of breast cancer, and years of constant pain from various sources.
I decided to read your book before I contacted you to see if it gave me any inspiration/direction in my quest to make sense of my experiences. For some reason, I can not figure out why, Joan's story set something off for me. I have had this great desire to tell someone the story of my illnesses- and that is always a "victim" story. But after reading Joan's story, I had this vivid memory from my first period of illness and pain. We had fenced in a small rectangle of our property so we could grow something free of deer, and had planted a vegetable garden. I remember being out there in the nude, enjoying the feeling of the sun on my body, tending the garden. It reminded me of how with all I've been through, I have always maintained my "zest". In between my surgery and my radiation for the last cancer, I went scuba diving over the objections of the Drs. I got deeply into my music and even gave a vocal recital though not in the best of health which affects singing. And after completing the first round of radiation, I did something I always wanted to do, I studied Taiko drumming, though it was quite strenuous for my physical condition.
Please send me your story so that other's can share in "the ripple effect".
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Deep Listening
From Ellen,
I've been going to readings for my book. At these events, I have the good fortune to hear the stories of how readers move through Hard Times. I also hear their questions. One question that keeps coming up is what do I mean when I talk about the notion of deep listening to the stories of others. For me this occurs when we listen to someone else' story and express the compassion that we feel. This experience not only touches the story teller, but it allows us to feel a connection to another person. In these moments we learn about life experiences that we would have no other way of knowing about. Lastly, deep listening gives us the chance to reflect on the parts of someone else's story that evoke memories and associations that we can then weave together to strengthen our own stories.
Someone else last night spoke about despair and how it pulls her down. Others in the group spoke about how in moments of despair they try to find connection to others who suffer so that their pain is not the only pain. This reminded me of the story of of Kaethe, a Teacher in the book who in a moment of despair decided to dedicate her radiation treatments to the people in South Africa who she knew who worked with AIDS patients. Her capacity to reach beyond her own suffering and give meaning to her treatment took her beyond herself and connected her back into the flow of life.
Last night a young therapist spoke about how hard it is for her to continue to listen to the story of a man whose wife is dying. She found herself wanting to help him look beyond his wife's death. He resisted her attempts to move him away from the story and finally she allowed herself to listen. After the sessioins she felt teribly sad and only after speaking to us of her experience did she feel some relief. What this tells me is that deep lilsteners also need to be heard in order to keep on listening.
I've been going to readings for my book. At these events, I have the good fortune to hear the stories of how readers move through Hard Times. I also hear their questions. One question that keeps coming up is what do I mean when I talk about the notion of deep listening to the stories of others. For me this occurs when we listen to someone else' story and express the compassion that we feel. This experience not only touches the story teller, but it allows us to feel a connection to another person. In these moments we learn about life experiences that we would have no other way of knowing about. Lastly, deep listening gives us the chance to reflect on the parts of someone else's story that evoke memories and associations that we can then weave together to strengthen our own stories.
Someone else last night spoke about despair and how it pulls her down. Others in the group spoke about how in moments of despair they try to find connection to others who suffer so that their pain is not the only pain. This reminded me of the story of of Kaethe, a Teacher in the book who in a moment of despair decided to dedicate her radiation treatments to the people in South Africa who she knew who worked with AIDS patients. Her capacity to reach beyond her own suffering and give meaning to her treatment took her beyond herself and connected her back into the flow of life.
Last night a young therapist spoke about how hard it is for her to continue to listen to the story of a man whose wife is dying. She found herself wanting to help him look beyond his wife's death. He resisted her attempts to move him away from the story and finally she allowed herself to listen. After the sessioins she felt teribly sad and only after speaking to us of her experience did she feel some relief. What this tells me is that deep lilsteners also need to be heard in order to keep on listening.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Coherent Life Stories
In the readings I have been doing I speak about research that tells us about the importance of a coherent life narrative when disaster strikes. People who have such stories before disaster do better after disaster.
So what is a coherent life narrative and how do we write one?
It is a story that combines our knowledge of family, culture, and community, with a sense of how we manage our lives in the present and what we look forward to in the future. The Keepers Seekers and Teachers in the book, "Blowing on Embers" and on this blog tell us their coherent narratives. Their stories offer us an opportunity to strengthen our own stories and weave them together so that we have a clear sense of our past, present, and future. This is one of the ways to be prepared for whatever is up ahead.
From readers about "Blowing on Embers":
Your reading could not have come at a better time. I had a horrible week atwork and really needed something to take me out of myself and that was thecure. I have read about half the book so far and have really enjoyed it. Byacknowledging up front that each of us has to face adversity, we need to finda way to get on with our lives and find the joy where ever we can. Byanticipating the adversity and creating a framework for survival, we guarda gainst depressing thoughts which hold us down. I think that was lesson of your talk and the book, and I really needed that inoculation at the time.
Labe
JUST RETURNED FROM OUR TRIP TO B.C. READ YOUR BOOK IN A FLASH ON THE TRAIN. I LOVED IT! I SAW MYSELF IN EACH WOMAN'S STORY AND ALSO SAW STRENGTHS DIFFERENT FROM MINE THAT I COULD REFLECT ON. I LOVED THE WAY YOU WOVE YOUR STORY AND REFLECTION THROUGHOUT THE BOOK. IT WAS A VERY INTIMATE EXPERIENCE. CHRIS
The book reads keeps pulling me along at a lively pace. I think the book would be so useful to therapy clients. After reading it they can write their own story. If I get to teach a writing course next semester I will make it one of our class texts!!
Joan
So what is a coherent life narrative and how do we write one?
It is a story that combines our knowledge of family, culture, and community, with a sense of how we manage our lives in the present and what we look forward to in the future. The Keepers Seekers and Teachers in the book, "Blowing on Embers" and on this blog tell us their coherent narratives. Their stories offer us an opportunity to strengthen our own stories and weave them together so that we have a clear sense of our past, present, and future. This is one of the ways to be prepared for whatever is up ahead.
From readers about "Blowing on Embers":
Your reading could not have come at a better time. I had a horrible week atwork and really needed something to take me out of myself and that was thecure. I have read about half the book so far and have really enjoyed it. Byacknowledging up front that each of us has to face adversity, we need to finda way to get on with our lives and find the joy where ever we can. Byanticipating the adversity and creating a framework for survival, we guarda gainst depressing thoughts which hold us down. I think that was lesson of your talk and the book, and I really needed that inoculation at the time.
Labe
JUST RETURNED FROM OUR TRIP TO B.C. READ YOUR BOOK IN A FLASH ON THE TRAIN. I LOVED IT! I SAW MYSELF IN EACH WOMAN'S STORY AND ALSO SAW STRENGTHS DIFFERENT FROM MINE THAT I COULD REFLECT ON. I LOVED THE WAY YOU WOVE YOUR STORY AND REFLECTION THROUGHOUT THE BOOK. IT WAS A VERY INTIMATE EXPERIENCE. CHRIS
The book reads keeps pulling me along at a lively pace. I think the book would be so useful to therapy clients. After reading it they can write their own story. If I get to teach a writing course next semester I will make it one of our class texts!!
Joan
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Earthquakes
This is not a story, but it is part of being prepared.
EXTRACT FROM DOUG COPP'S ARTICLE ON THE "TRIANGLE OF LIFE"TEN TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY
1) Most everyone who simply "ducks and covers" when buildings collapse are crushed to death. People who get under objects, like desks or cars,are crushed.
2) Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position.You should too in an earthquake. It is a natural safety/survivalinstinct. You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa, next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly butleave a void next to it.
3) Wooden buildings are the safest type of construction to be in during an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of theearthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids are created. Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushingweight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.
4) If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply roll off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can achieve a much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a sign on the back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down on the floor, next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.
5) If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out
the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.
6) Most everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is killed. How? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the door jam falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case, you will be killed!
7) Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different "moment of frequency" (they swing separately from the main part of the building).
The stairs and remainder of the building continuously bump into eachother until structural failure of the stairs takes place. The people who get on stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair treads. Even if the building doesn't collapse, stay away from the stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be damaged. Even if the stairs are not collapsed by the earthquake, they may collapse later when overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be checked for safety, even when the rest of the building is not damaged.
8) Get Near the Outer Walls Of Buildings Or Outside Of Them If Possible -It is much better to be near the outside of the building rather than the interior. The farther inside you are from the outside perimeter of the building the greater the probability that your escape route will be blocked.
9) People inside of their vehicles are crushed when the road above falls in an earthquake and crushes their vehicles; which is exactly what happened with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway. The victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of theirvehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived bygetting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles. Everyone killed would have survived if they had been able to get out of their cars and sit or lie next to them. All the crushed cars had voids 3 feet high nextto them, except for the cars that had columns fall directly a cross them.
10) I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper officesand other offices with a lot of paper that paper does not compact. Largevoids are found surrounding stacks of paper. Spread the word to everyone YOU care about and save someone's life!
EXTRACT FROM DOUG COPP'S ARTICLE ON THE "TRIANGLE OF LIFE"TEN TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY
1) Most everyone who simply "ducks and covers" when buildings collapse are crushed to death. People who get under objects, like desks or cars,are crushed.
2) Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position.You should too in an earthquake. It is a natural safety/survivalinstinct. You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa, next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly butleave a void next to it.
3) Wooden buildings are the safest type of construction to be in during an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of theearthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids are created. Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushingweight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.
4) If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply roll off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can achieve a much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a sign on the back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down on the floor, next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.
5) If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out
the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.
6) Most everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is killed. How? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the door jam falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case, you will be killed!
7) Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different "moment of frequency" (they swing separately from the main part of the building).
The stairs and remainder of the building continuously bump into eachother until structural failure of the stairs takes place. The people who get on stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair treads. Even if the building doesn't collapse, stay away from the stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be damaged. Even if the stairs are not collapsed by the earthquake, they may collapse later when overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be checked for safety, even when the rest of the building is not damaged.
8) Get Near the Outer Walls Of Buildings Or Outside Of Them If Possible -It is much better to be near the outside of the building rather than the interior. The farther inside you are from the outside perimeter of the building the greater the probability that your escape route will be blocked.
9) People inside of their vehicles are crushed when the road above falls in an earthquake and crushes their vehicles; which is exactly what happened with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway. The victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of theirvehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived bygetting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles. Everyone killed would have survived if they had been able to get out of their cars and sit or lie next to them. All the crushed cars had voids 3 feet high nextto them, except for the cars that had columns fall directly a cross them.
10) I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper officesand other offices with a lot of paper that paper does not compact. Largevoids are found surrounding stacks of paper. Spread the word to everyone YOU care about and save someone's life!
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